The Case for Barry

Increased media coverage.
Higher ticket sales.
Larger national interest.
And a few historic* home runs.

Those are the reasons that the Tampa Bay Rays (still doesn’t sound right) should sign Barry Bonds.

Sure, there are the obvious drawbacks. Bonds brings with him an almost unprecedented media circus, the scorn of baseball writers across the country, a really big chair and the risk of being unable to play due to his indictment for perjury and obstruction of justice. And he’s not exactly the most upbeat guy on the planet.

(I would also have included fan alienation as one of Bonds pitfalls, but you need to have fans for that to be a concern)

But if no press is bad press, the Rays could stand only to gain from signing the demonized slugger.

Tampa Bay has had the misfortune of playing in the AL Northeastern Coastal Cities division since it’s inception in 1998 and has yet to finish above .500 or higher than fourth place. They do consistently out sell the cross-state Marlins, but to deem them a successful franchise based on that comparison would be the same as rewarding a D student for outscoring Forrest Gump on an aptitude test.

But thing’s aren’t all bad in Tampa Bay. Scott Kazmir, Dioner Navarro, Willy Aybar, Rocco Baldelli, Carl Crawford and B.J. Upton represent a group of gifted young players who are capable of developing into a talented core. Highly touted third base prospect Evan Longoria is waiting in the minor leagues and will likely see big league playing time this season. The franchise continues to benefit from revenue sharing, making a splash in the 2006 off-season, signing Japanese infielder Akinori Iwanmura. All of these factors should combine to make the Rays a competitive team.

In 2011.

Before then, general manager Andrew Friedman needs focus on building as much revenue as possible so they can sign the young players to long-term deals and continue to improve via free agency.

Bonds represents the perfect opportunity for the Rays to get cash fast. Future almost-Hall-of-Famer Omar Vizquel told Sports Illustrated that he likes not having Bonds around because it allows the team to focus primarily on baseball. That’s all well and good for the Giants, but the Rays have no business just focusing on baseball in 2008. They are not going to win their division, not by any stretch of the imagination, they probably won’t even sniff a .500 record and will have serious competition from the Baltimore Orioles for a fourth place finish.

But they can use Bonds to get attention and attention begets revenue and in today’s MLB, revenue begets success.

Besides, it’s not like the Rays are afraid to use nonsensical disproportionate beast-things to appeal to their fans.

Pardon My Apathy

Ah baseball.

Pitchers and catchers that haven't already reported to camp will do so in the coming days, fantasy drafts will occur, some beat writer somewhere won't be able to resist the temptation to write a poem about baseball and show it to his baffled editor (my money is on Geoff Baker of the Seattle Times - he's notoriously optimistic and that paper always runs such heartwarming stories).

Yes, it's a magical time of year for baseball fans, the weather will soon warm up and the crack of the ball and-

I'm sorry I can't do this anymore. Most of the above events will happen and it's certainly nice and all but let's be serious, until an actual game is played, contemporary baseball news starts and stops in the courtroom.

At least for the time being, the game of mitts on hands and bats on balls takes a back seat to needles in butts and gavels on sound blocks (a sound block is the coaster a judge beats to shut people up - it's okay, I didn't know what it was called either).

Yesterday the Roger Clemens "did he or didn't he" saga finally went to court as Clemens and McNamee squared off, each calling the other a liar. The whole ordeal was a lot of things, interesting was not one of them and we come away today with no new understanding of a seemingly complicated ordeal.

In case you weren't tuned into C-SPAN here's a quick rundown of what happened:
Clemens made funny faces.
McNamee was verbally abused, accused of lying, misleading investigators and eating small children.
Clemens made funny faces.
McNamee was accused of being a drug dealer.
Clemens made funny faces.
Clemens admitted his wife took HGH to shape up for the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue.
I made funny faces.
Clemens interrupted the Judge, the Judge yelled at Clemens to shut up and Clemens threw part of a broken bat at the judges head. I may have confused that last part with another incident of Roger Rage.

Then everyone went home with as much closure as they came in with and this won't be readdressed until the justice department decides to investigate which of the two lied.

And honestly I don't care.

So he cheated? Great, he's never going to pitch again, this won't affect any results on the field this season, and it's not like he was the only one.

Maybe I would be more compelled by this ordeal if I actually played baseball.

Mackinley Salk, an outfielder for the Columbia College Renegades said the hearings have left him "Heartbroken."

"It's a slap in the face, I grew up idolizing Roger Clemens," said Salk. Salk, 21, was a pitcher before being shifted to the outfield.

I see his perspective. I personally don't care, but I'd sure be heartbroken if I found out Will Lietch or Jayson Stark were juicing.

Wake Me in March...No, April

February sucks.

No disrespect to Valentine’s Day (one of maybe two days during the year when it’s socially acceptable to schedule sex), but if you’re a sports fan, serious or casual, there is nothing to look forward to in the month of February (with the noted exception of NCAA Rivalry Week, but I’d rather not talk about that right now).

From a sports perspective the best thing about February, the Super Bowl, occurs on the first weekend of the month and it’s all downhill from there. And honestly, this year’s big game was an exception. Most years the Super Bowl serves as an over-hyped reminder that the NFL is an institution of capitalism first and athletics second.

Baseball fans (and writers) treat pitchers and catchers reporting to Spring Training as if it were the first day of Ramadan, taking every opportunity to wax poetic about the transcendent power of the game to instill optimism in even the most browbeaten [Devil] Rays fan. (I almost condescendingly linked to Peter Gammons current column before remembering that I'm not yet worthy to even shine his shoes)

The small handful of writers not doing their best Mitch Ablom impressions (I will however talk down upon, condescend and all around poo-poo Mitch "I have feelings, so many feelings...and I fabricate stories from time-to-time but still have a job because of how deep my feelings are" Ablom) are busy penning column after column about fantasy rankings and month-old trades. And court proceedings, but that’s a new one.

Don’t get me wrong, I love baseball, but the first spring training games won’t come until the month is almost over and most of those games are exhibitions against college teams. The last interesting thing to happen in the world of baseball between January 31 and March 1 was when Alex Rodriguez was given – er, traded to the Yankees.

That was four years ago.

In the world of basketball (NBA basketball that is, I’m still too emotionally damaged to write about college), February means one thing and one thing only. Nap time. Show me an NBA player giving the clichéd 110% in February and I’ll show you a liar (or Chris Paul).

Of course there’s always the NBA’s version of the Westminster Dog Show followed by the annual East versus West scorgy. That’s all mildly entertaining, but nobody who isn’t invited to one of the parties is going to mark All Star weekend on their calendar.

February is and always will be (except in Olympic years – awe hell, even then) a countdown month.

Two months until baseball really starts.
Two months until the Masters.
Two months until the NBA becomes relevant.
And one month until…nope still can’t bring myself to even think about it.

An Overlooked Unexpected Event from the Super Bowl

You don't know who Mike Weldon is. No, he didn't play in the Super Bowl, he didn't ride the bench, in fact he never played football at all. I don't think Mike ever even watched football before Sunday's game and I doubt he ever will again.

But on Sunday, more than anyone at my Super Bowl party, Mike Weldon embodied how compelling the game was.

Mike has been one of my best friends since before I was shaving, one of my only friends who moved from Philly to Chicago with me two years ago. I know him inside and out, and if there's one truth about Mike Weldon, it's that he hates sports. He doesn't get watching them, he doesn't get playing them and he'll always make fun of me for crying on the last day of the 2007 season when the Phillies clinched the NL East.

But on Sunday Mike Weldon was completely captivated by what was unfolding in Arizona.

Eli Manning will probably never know that, but it is one of the highest compliments he can ever be paid.

When all of a sudden late in the fourth quarter it looked like perhaps this crazy upset might actually happen and team of destiny was in fact the New York Giants, the significance of this resonated so heavily in the room that even Mike Weldon was sitting on the edge of his seat (and I mean that literally, not as a superlative cliche) with his hand on his mouth, eyes firmly fixed on the TV.

That's a compliment to the Patriots too, for while it was their downfall that Mike was captivated by, even someone so alien to sports knew how significant it was because of their undefeated season.

I smirked at Mike's expression of interest, then turned my attention back to the game, thinking this would be the most I ever saw the artsy prick care about sports.

Then Eli pulled off one of the single most ridiculous plays in Super Bowl history, dogging 3 desperate Patriots and passing 33 yards to David Tyree in triple coverage and before I was out of my chair Mike screamed "That was one of the most visually satisfying things I have ever seen!" (like I said, he's never seriously watched sports, so he doesn't really know how to properly cheer)

Eli Manning and the Giants gave sports fans everywhere such a refreshing reminder of how great the Super Bowl can be, how despite the commercials, the halftime show and media day, at the end of it all the game is the reason we're watching.

Even those of us who hate sports.